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scooter has been christened "Gilligan".

He reviews books by crazy people. It's funny.

I found this site on my intermittent Internet home, Portal of Evil News. It's one of the most worthwhile endeavors ever to be generated from those forums. The current project, although it appears not to be available on the main site yet, is Ralph Nader's cover of "Atlas Shrugged", which although completely insane is actually a real book, and not some kind of mass-media hallucination.

EDIT: if you read any one of these, make it the orca one.

There are bugs singing outside. I can hear them through the open window. I don't often open them, but I did this weekend, turning off the AC and letting the breeze blow in. The inside of the room is quiet and peaceful, and it's nice.

Being alive is nice.

i went to dragoncon. I got a skirt. It was pretty sweet:



(I would have put that behind one of those cut things if I had the slightest idea how.) Anyway it was 110 bucks, which is like my clothing budget for an entire year, however, sometimes you just get an itch and have to scratch it. The thing is hand dyed and made out of 25 (!!!) yards of cotton. When I wear it it swishes around and I can lift the hem up to my head without revealing anything which should not be revealed, also it looks like a pretty butterfly :)

I got a shirt too, it was also too expensive yet very appropriate:



There were some terrible costumes there, and some really nice ones, including a very well done cast from "Knights of the Old Republic" and a Billy Mays. I regrettably did not get any pictures because my retarded camera was on the fritz, though I think my brother managed to snap one of Billy Mays. We saw the Best Picture Ever, which was of Boba Fett in heaven surrounded by cherubs, very nice, but 400 to buy outright and there is no way we had that kind of money. Since we are morons, we forgot to get the artist's name. We shall just have to regret that missed opportunity for the rest of our natural lives, allowing bitterness to gnaw away at our souls until there is nothing left but howling despair and loathing for all living things.

We did obtain a picture of the fat, smelly, somewhat mentally challenged guy who took our registrations. Hey, he insisted. I will not post it though. even I am not that mean. Instead, have a picture of some books and random filth:

I don't know exactly how much of an asshole this guy is because I think MMORPGs are basically the devil scrounging for souls but I do know that it isn't as funny as the time those guys from somethingawful or anonymous or whoever got onto Second Life and made virtual dildos rain down upon a pretentious "public" lecture. I appreciate that he managed to fill everyone with rage simply by following the rules, however, which is refreshing.

Also I want to know how much grant money he got to sit around playing video games and annoying people on the Internet and how the layman can get in on that paid couch potato action. Even I'd give the Internet Devil my soul if I could get paid for looking at bright colors and getting called a fat fag by pissed off addictive personalities all day. Ook ook, y'all.

first, that this movie clearly shines only in the area of complex shapes moving and twisting in hypnotic patterns and, as such, it would be a whole lot less embarrassing if everyone in the movie were to just refrain from speaking.

second, a doomsday device which can be blown up with a single rocket being activated by a villain who can be defeated by same is not terribly creditable as a genuine threat to our heroes

thirdly, I would like to sterilize everyone who was in that movie theater with me. i don't want to injure or discomfort them in any way--i don't think they deserve that--just gently and painlessly remove them from the gene pool. the human race has enough ease programming nonsensical pavlovian responses such as "laughter when a black guy says something in his black guy voice" into itself and no further contributions are necessary on that front.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

i'm a better sinner than you :)

rape is not a substitute for character development.

I finally sent in the email to ask if I can go back and finish my thesis. It's been a year and a half. Probably not.

I had to down a couple scotches before I could push the send button. I still don't know what answer I'm even hoping for. I just want it over with.

One of pop superstar Michael Jackson's brothers, Marlon, is involved in a controversial plan to develop a $3.4bn (£2.4bn) slavery memorial and luxury resort in Badagry, Nigeria.

what

The men behind the plan say it will honour the history of the transatlantic slave trade and provide employment opportunities for Nigerians.

what

The developers say the Badagry Historical Resort will be marketed to African-American tourists as a mixture of luxury tourist attractions and historical education.

Visitors will be able to see the route their ancestors walked, shackled together as they were whipped toward the "point of no return".

what

They can visit a replica slave ship to see the conditions Africans suffered, before visiting the world's only museum dedicated to the career of the Jackson Five.

what

"We know the problems facing us, we have visited Nigeria several times," he said.

oh well ok then

Weregoat arrested for attempted car theft. The police say he will not be released until they finish their investigation; I think they can probably go ahead and let him go if the next full moon passes without incident.

Jademan comics holy crap who is actually supposed to be the target audience for small doe eyed children violently murdering and being murdered by large musclemen in an unintentionally comical gory fashion? I mean, obviously the covers are awesome but who is going to go out and buy these from week to week?

The Christian Crusade against Science Fiction That people of all walks of life tend to be insular and knee-jerking whenever possible is hardly any sort of news flash, but I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that I adore all sorts of pranks where no one is actually hurt, and in shameful fact probably some where they are, depending on how much I think they deserve it. This one is really remarkable in efficiency, given how much reaction was gotten from so little effort.

Anette has come down with an illness. We weren't told what it was, but according to their webpage the concerts in Knoxville and Baltimore were also cancelled. She also didn't appear with the rest of the band when they went onstage to make their official apology, which I would assume she would be able to manage if it was a simple sore throat.

Fuck. My favorite band, and one of the few who would come within 1000 miles of the shithole I live in, and we had planned this trip for months. I'd be more pissed if I wasn't so worried.

Anyway, the trip wasn't a total loss. Our tickets will be fully refunded, and the opening act, Sonata Arctica, took over the main event for those of us who chose to stick around, which was nice because it turns out they put on a kickass show. This was really my first concert experience, and they made it rock. Rather than get up close to the stage and dance around in my uncomfortable boots, we took a seat high in the bleachers where we could overlook the action. This meant we lost the chance to fight over the drumsticks that got tossed out at the end, but so it goes. Marco Hietala, the male vocalist who can be heard in "Wish I Had An Angel" and the like, introduced them as "these fine young berserkers," a description that fit quite well. All these Scandanavian metal dudes look like Vikings. They ruled. Seriously. They put in a ton of effort and passion, especially considering they were doing it for free and for people who mostly hadn't even come there to see them. When they were finished, I bought their album.

The hastily assembled opening act, some local thrash band that even the concert hall staff didn't know the name of, was less successful. They were a desperate stopgap measure, and they knew it--most of the people there had come to see symphonic metal, not thrash. I don't mind thrash, and my husband loved it, so we joined the scattered cheers. "WE DON'T NEED YOUR PITY APPLAUSE!" they yelled, and then they played some song called "Fuck Your God" or something, (which had absolutely unintelligible lyrics so they probably could have gotten away with it if they hadn't announced it), after which the concert hall became absolutely silent. That's the way to do it. If you are going to fail, don't be afraid to fail all the way. I had had a few by this point, so at this point I shrieked as loudly as I could. I am impressed by spunk. The concert hall fell even more silent, followed by a few isolated, half-hearted and confused cheers from people whom I can only assume had also had a few. Well, whatever.

After the concert, we left with the crowd to find Marco (who seems to be the most outgoing member of Nightwish) hanging out by the bar, drinking and getting mobbed by fans. This wasn't an official signing, and I had nothing for him to sign anyway. (I saw another fan try to get him to sign one of those handheld cellphone/electronic writing pad thingies, only they apparently didn't have the pen for it, so he scrawled some scribbles on it with his finger, seeming drunkenly amused by the whole thing.) I worked up the courage to go up and ask for a picture--he was obviously out there for the attention, and enjoyed it, but natural timidness is hard to fully suppress--asking him to to do the metal devil-horns thing. He responded drunkenly with "I do the horns" in his Finnish accent, which I found adorable for some reason, and then we put our arms over each others' shoulders and "did the horns" while my husband snapped a photo on the cell phone. We rarely take pictures with that thing, so it actually turned out looking like complete crap, but hey. At least I get to cross "touch a rock star" off my list of things to do before I die.

I'd rather have seen them perform, though. Shit, I hope Anette gets better and they tour the US again.

Take a picture of yourself right now. Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture. Post that picture with NO editing (save potentially for size). Post these instructions with your picture.



It is at a funny angle because you perverts don't get to see me in my bathrobe :( Also now the government knows where to find me!!!

A while back, a friend, whom I would link to if I could remember how to do that, was kind enough to exchange CD mixes with me. He sent me a very nice review of one of mine and I promised to do the same. This was like, months ago, so it's high time I delivered, and the whole Internet deserves my opinions, so I'm posting it here. There are three complete discs, and the third is my favorite, so naturally I did a track-by-track of the first two. WTF.

FMP Disc One

1)Rich Fantasy Lives by Tom Smith—Although not very interesting musically, this song is sung competently enough and the lyrics are enough to make this my new theme song.
2)Cry Ophelia by Adam Cohen—This song is really really sappy, but that only makes it endearing. It's the sort of thing I would listen to when down and my normal selection of music just isn't doing it. Cursory Googling reveals that this song is from the Dawson's Creek Soundtrack. Man, screw you for tricking me into liking a song from Dawson's Creek.
3)Better Than I Am by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie—This is a darkly funny song even aside from the fact that the band name makes me giggle. The singer's voice isn't great and the melody doesn't stand out but I would probably consider placing this on a themed mix of my own at some point.
4)Don't Stop Believing by Journey—A classic. What else can I say?
5)Eyes of a Stranger by Queensryche—The second really rocking song on this disc, this is one of those that sound vaguely familiar so maybe I have heard it on the radio? Weird, paranoid lyrics are a plus.
6)Skull in the Burnt Up Body of a Bug by ???--Ugh. Probably the only song on the mix that I actively dislike, so I didn't bother too much looking for the artist. There seems to be a story going on in this song but the music makes it too painful to appreciate. The perfect illustration of my cardinal rule: a catchy melody can redeem stupid lyrics, but there exist no lyrics that can redeem a cacophany.
7)Walking Away by Information Society—A good beat. Reminds me of the 80s. A good breakup song.
8)88 Lines about 42 Presidents by The Brunching Shuttlecocks—This is a classic and I've heard it before. It's not bad but it's one of the tracks I find myself skipping over to get to the good stuff.
9)Universal Song by Kim Carnes—I like this song. It's sedate and happy, content with its place in the universe. Soothing.
10)Original Sin by Meatloaf—OH HELL YES. This is where it is at. I knew this song was going to be awesome from the first lines. The remake of a Taylor Dayne song (which I had also never heard) with, in my opinion, improved lyrics. This was the first song to really blow me away, although by no means the last.
11)Adrift by The Barenaked Ladies—Another quieter song, which is a good choice. You can't be stacking up the really really awesome rock songs right next to each other without a breather. It's some sort of breakup song I think? But with lots of weird imagery.
12)The Pinnacle by Kansas—Another great rock song based around some sort of Conan theme, brought to me by the same band that created Carry On Wayward Son. This rules. It's like proto-Dragonforce only not as fast. I keep wondering which, if any, characters these songs are based on.
13)This Song is Gonna Make a Great Video by Vacant Lot—Entertaining enough, though I haven't watched enough music videos to make it hilarious.
14)It's a Sin by Pet Shop Boys—Ooh, angst! This song is bad in that special 1980s way that makes bad songs really fun to listen to.
15)Your Ex-Lover is Dead by Stars—This song is BASS CELLO yet another breakup BASS CELLO song, but what makes this one stand out is BASS CELLO. I like the story told here. BASS CELLO.
16)The Life Effect by Stars—I also like this one but not as much because BASS CELLO.
17)The Drinking Song by Moxy Fruvous—Dark subject matter treated with good humor plus slow, friendly melody make this the perfect wrap-up for the slowest and most contemplative CD in the bunch.


FMP Disc Two
1)Shakespearean Pie by Spaff—Normally novelty songs wear out their novelty after a couple listens but this one is especially cleverly written and the melody is one I like so thumbs up to this one.
2)Dub in Life by Eiffel 65—I must have listened to this one carefully 20 times and I looked up the lyrics and I still have no idea what this song is about. Damn Europop.
3)Try Baby Try by Oingo Boingo—And we have a hit right off on this one. I have only ever heard 5 songs by Oingo and I have liked them all so perhaps this is a band I should look into? What's even better about this one is that I can see how it applies, story-wise.
4)Bee of the Bird of the Moth by They Might Be Giants—oh this is a blast from the past. I haven't listened to TMBG in forever, and this is a song I've never heard. It also complements the previous song perfectly although I couldn't say why. Perhaps it is the whole absurd/straightforward/absurd alternation you seem to have going on here.
5)Nothing Gold Can Stay by Yesterday's Kids—If you were going for some sort of back-and-forth with the first songs on the disc then this is the perfect wrap up for that. If not... uh, please pretend that I'm not going around inventing imaginary CD themes in my head like some sort of schizo lunatic. Heh heh heh...
6)??????????? Short, melancholy instrumental which segues nicely into...
7)Say Goodnight Not Goodbye by Chantal Kreviazuk—Oh, it's the Tribe of Behn closing theme. I think I have to go off and have a good cry now :(
8)Wait for Sleep by Dream Theater—The piano opening meshes really well with the close of the previous song. More angst?
9)Writing on the Wall by Blackmore's Night—A more upbeat song, although still dark and paranoid, is refreshing after the previous three and helps to pull the listener out of any black pits of despair they may be sinking into.
10)Little Yellow and Different by ???--One of the problems with novelty songs is the fact that they are just that, and the thing about novelty is that it doesn't last. Also it is a sad fact that they are often less polished than more serious fare. In this case I can't hear the lyrics very well. If I can't make out a song's lyrics there had better be some serious metal drowning it out and I can't hear any electric guitars being played with consummate skill here. I don't really hate it though.
11)The Smile has Left Your Eyes by Asia—Although I am normally opposed to live songs on a CD there are exceptions and these guys seem to have a very polished extra-studio performance.
12)Monkeys are Bad People by Logan Whitehurst—Another novelty song where I can't hear the vocals very well. This is a pity because this is a really really funny song if I strain myself to make out the lyrics. Monkeys are, indeed, bad people.
13)Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny by Lemon Demon—Another funny novelty song, but doesn't pass the “repeated listen” test.
14)Flowers by Echo and the Bunnymen—I like it.
15)Toy Soldiers by Martika—Another song I feel like I should know. Sort of haunting.
16)???????????????????--Another instrumental, this one faster. Sounds like William Shatner in the intro.
17)Hopeless Bleak Despair by TMBG—The second of their songs and my favorite. Despair given the TMBG treatment. Nice.
18)And 19) Jesus' Brother Bob and I Am Cow by The Arrogant Worms—Better production values than some of the other novelty songs. Not as good a CD wrap-up as The Drinking Song, but fair enough since this one (aside from that bit in the middle) is more goofy and happy than the other two.

About... oh it may be about four or five years ago... I heard through sources I no longer remember of a series of incredibly popular books. Like many series of incredibly popular books, it was held by my most common group of internet peers at the time to be complete rubbish. Unlike many series of incredibly popular books held to be complete rubbish by my internet peers, the rubbishness of these books was really, and truly, complete. For these books composed none other than the infamous fundamentalist epic, Left Behind.

It's really hard to express how amazing the concept behind Left Behind is. It is based on the (made-up, extra-Biblical) mythology of the Rapture and (one of) the timeline(s) created by various Rapture enthusiasts. When I say enthusiasts, I mean authors of the book, and it cannot be stressed enough that the people who wrote Left Behind, and a large segment of its readers, believe it to be an accurate account of the way the world is destined to end. In the books, all the true believers--not people who believe in Christ, as one might expect, but Real True Christians, who believe in Christ in the Right Way--are raptured off to heaven and the heathens find themselves--you guessed it!--Left Behind. One might imagine such a series of books to be filled with plenty of self-congratulating polemics and casual dismissal of any opposing moral or philosophical points combined with complacent laziness and a dash of no writing talent whatsoever. One would in fact be correct.

Naturally I had to read these books, all of them, immediately.

I don't really need to go into my experiences (this has been done already, which I will get to shortly) other than to say that night after night I coated my brain with a glaze of nihilistic dispassion matched only by that of the characters and when I finally--it took me six books*, which is an accomplishment I am perversely proud of--broke, my ability to actually enjoy any sort of reading material seemed impaired for months afterward. These books should are fucking noxious, and the authors should be sent before an international war crimes tribunal for inflicting them upon the human race. I wouldn't say that these books are worse than the holocaust, although I might strongly imply it, especially if I've had a bit to drink. I firmly believe that reading these books has made me a worse person. The Necronomicon would be better and more uplifting reading material. I would not advise that these books be read by anyone whatsoever.

With that said, I think it is totally awesome what this guy is doing. I read Left Behind from the perspective of an atheist, and this review makes me wonder if that's the only reason I was able to go through those six books. The link leads to a crazy person who is reading the Left Behind novels and posting reviews of it. Page by page. Lengthy reviews. For the good of humanity. (Though in blog format, which means you have to click all the way back to the end and go forward from there, which is annoying.) He is also an evangelical (note: this is not the same as a fundamentalist) Christian, and he brings up an interesting point: the Left Behind novels are not Christian. They have sold immensely in the Christian community and they have nothing to do with Christ other than the occasional name-drop. Do people even know the religions they are professing to believe anymore? I would think the fate of one's eternal soul would be of enough interest to people that they'd bother to do some research or at least give it a little thought. I guess not. Was the human race always this way, or is it that darn TV doing it to us again?

Anyways I have to go to bed now, so ya'll can ponder the mysteries of premillenial dispensationism on your own time.


*there are 13 of these fuckers and the number is growing all the time, Xenu save us all.

so I have been hired on as a full time employee by my company, a decision which comes with both relief and misgivings. First, I no longer have to worry about higher-ups that I have never met suddenly deciding that it would be more cost effective to not have any temps anymore even though we are incredibly shorthanded as it is paying everyone 1.5x for all the extra work they have to do and still falling behind somehow saves money. Anyway. Also there are benefits. I have still not decided to go for the health care -- if I was still single, I would skip it without a second thought, but my husband is rather more delicate. If I get health care, I can shut both my parents and my inlaws up, however, which is a nice perk. Also--and this is really the big thing--I can transfer to any facility in the country where there is an opening. This limits me to less than 30 options, depending on where a place opens up, but the idea of being able to leave the South and have a place waiting for me wherever is a very reassuring one. Greensboro is not the place I wish to spend the rest of my life, when I could move up to Portsmouth, where it snows and is close to the ocean, or New York, where there is actually stuff to do.

On the other hand, I'm being paid 63 cents less on the hour than I was as a temp. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Oh yes, and then there's the overtime. As a temp, I was not allowed to work overtime. My temp employers got a big bonus whenever one of us worked more than 40 hours a week, which I didn't see a penny of, but that's not the important thing. My bosses would bend over backwards trying to get me out the door on Friday. I have to drive almost an hour and a half a day to get to work. I am super introverted and need a lot of personal time. Put these two facts together and you can see a problem with the fact that my boss has just assigned me two daily tasks which, combined, mean at least nine hours of work, a day, on average. I like extra money as much as anyone but I feel I don't have a life anymore. hmmm.

Next week I will attempt to deal with these issues. We'll see what happens.